The art of letting go – the Emma version.
This term is thrown around a fair bit in the spiritual world.
Let go and surrender.
And, I’ll be honest. I thought at first that this was utter BS. Why on earth would you let go when you wanted something so bad?
Surely the action creates the outcome?
‘Letting go’ is contradictory to what I wanted to do.
How can you get shit done if you are off somewhere floating around? (Or so I thought)
I also felt that it was some hippy crap and led to uncontrolled outcomes and chaos.
Boy! Was I wrong!
So, so wrong.
Allow me to explain; years ago, I craved certainty in my life. I needed control in my life because internally, I was out of control. My emotions swung from fear to despair, from anger to frustration and many more versions of this. I blamed outside circumstances for my situation, and control was the only way (I thought) I could manage my life.
I NEEDED to know I could survive. So control was my answer.
As I started my healing journey, I read many books and found mentors who taught me that life could be easier…that I had a choice in the way I felt. I took courses and watched/listened to countless podcasts/audios/videos (still do, actually) and started to apply these learnings.
Something to note, too: I decided to be someone who didn’t just read a book for the sake of it or took a course for the hell of it. I decided that if I were going to invest my time and energy in something, I would at least apply 10% of what I’d learnt straightaway. This again could be still seen as control, but I figured my discipline would create my freedom.
As I learn that I could, in fact, create even more freedom in my life through ‘letting go ‘… things became easier. Much, much smoother. #weird
My conditioning was shouting at me to gain control, but the evidence I was reading, learning and applying told me otherwise, and I had to trust this.
One writer was Michael Singer and his book ‘The Untethered Soul’ was a game-changer. And to this day, I re-read this book often.
Surrendering and letting go was the theme for this book, and it encourages you to try it. (It also discussed ‘detachment from the outcome’, but I’ll leave that bit for another blog.) So I started with something I knew I had no logical control over.
I used to worry about the weather. Yep, I would worry and try to control an activity around how the weather would be! This might sound ridiculous to some, but I think a lot of you understand this. As this was something I realistically had ZERO control over – I decided to let go of this. I let go of trying to predict it, trying to work around it and let go of what would happen if it did decide to piss down at an important event.
And what happened?
The energy I had been spending on this left me. It felt like a release and felt bloody fantastic. I felt like I had extra brain space. Who knew? I was spending wasted time and energy on something I had no business in. I was getting myself involved in Mother Nature. FFS, this sounds super ridiculous now I am writing it out! But for some reason, I needed evidence that this ‘letting go’ shit actually worked. #morecontrol
After realising this shit worked, I started applying it to other areas of my life – and things definitely got better. Don’t worry; I would still jump into control mode and forget… then I’d remember and think to myself, ‘this is so much easier than before!’. And with practice, it became easier and easier. Letting go of things outside of my direct control felt like a massive weight was lifted off my shoulders – let’s be honest, there are not many things we DO have control over, hey?
There are two things I have learnt with the art of letting go and surrendering to life:
- Control is attached to FEAR. We try to control things because of what we think will happen if we don’t.
- Attempting to control things actually feels ‘less’ in control. When I’m micro-managing and obsessing over details, I know I’m in my own way. My breathing is shorter/faster, my thoughts are everywhere, and I can’t focus. When I let go – I am calm, breathe deeper and see the bigger picture easily. Essentially, the energy of surrender accomplishes much more than the energy of control.
Surrender = Complete acceptance of what is + Faith that all is well (even without my input).
It’s not about inaction. It’s about taking action from that place of surrender energy. Sounds simple? Well, it is, and it’s not.
How can you do this in your life?
Start asking yourself questions.
- What will happen if I let go of control?
When you pinpoint the fear, question its validity. Ask yourself, Is it true? If you’re worried that your partner will forget something from the shops – question your feelings on this. Would the evening be ruined as a result? Is this feeling of needing control shrouding another issue in your life that you’re not dealing with?
Find out whose business you’re in.
Your business is the realm of things that you can directly influence. Are you there? Or are you in someone else’s business? When we’re trying to control things outside of our own business, it’s not going to go well. #youknowit
We can always choose to do things the easy way or the hard way. We can muscle through, or we can let go of the oars and let the current carry us downstream.
So, my friend – what are you letting go of?